When Fibromyalgia took up residence in my life, it changed me in many ways. I had to give up my career and all of my out of the house hobbies and interests. Thankfully, I have my creativity (although that is still in low mojo) my tech interests and my genealogy. So my life didn’t become completely unrecognisable.
The impact of all was the realisation that we wouldn’t be having Children. When we were married in 2015 we hoped to have two children by 2020. But then within a couple of months of the wedding, the Fibromyalgia kicked in. At that point, I was taking eight co-codamol a day so it wasn’t appropriate to become pregnant, not to mention the fact that within about six months or so of the symptoms starting I was at a point where other than the tiniest newborn I would not have the strength to lift a child.
We were saddened, a family was something we both wanted but logically we realised that it would be completely unfair to attempt to bring a child into the situation. So we aimed to make the best of the life we have and carried on like that.
We were very fortunate when we moved out in 2019 to gain neighbours with a young daughter so thankfully we get to share some of the joy of life that a child brings. If not for both of our health problems, our life really is as good as we can make it without a family. But still, there is that silent thought that maybe circumstances will change.
I am now in the second half of my forties and for the first time have had two months without my visitor, they have been a bit flaky for the last year or so. I have had many of the symptoms of Perimenopause for at least two years. But this two-month gap is emotionally taking a big toll. I won’t lie, physically I am a little grateful because during the last six months I have had two absolute disaster events that took about a week to recover from.
I think it is the genealogist in me that is especially struggling. I have all these lines in my family going back over ten generations. I can’t help feel that I am letting the ancestors down, however silly that may sound.